Election Debate with Jack Spratt

In Election Week here is a special interview with Pet Samaritan’s own ‘dog on the ground’ – Jack Spratt …..

Don’t you get bored with all this election rubbish?   I’ve been watching too much of the same old arguments – everybody saying they’ll do it all differently if they win.   The Lib Dems and the Labour slag each other off and the Conservatives too – I’d be nipping at their heels if they told porkies about me.  What about that Gordon Brown?  He sold all our gold for peanuts so what sort of a money expert is he?   Would I trust him to keep my organic pouches coming?   Not for a second.   And Nick Clegg?   Pretending the others are the ‘old’ party and that he’s a worker and luv you guv.  The truth is that the Liberal Party is the oldest around and that Cleggy has had as much of a privileged upbring as any Crufts winner.

What about Cameron?  Well, he doesn’t descend to the blame game but maybe he should.  A mouthful of teeth sunk in a back leg has settled many an argument in my experience.   He seems like a decent bloke, sensible and the business people are for him – it’s the economy stupid.   Of course it is.   Even a dog knows that.  If the folks at the sanctuary can’t afford the heating and the food and the staff wages – what’s going to happen to us?   But there is one main question I’ve been asking myself (and anyone else who’ll listen!) and it’s, do any of them like dogs?     Have you heard even the tiniest mention of me and my doggy pals?    No, and I haven’t either.

Me and Nolene have thought about this a lot.   The politicos see everything from their own angle.   They want power for themselves.   As though humans are the most important species on this planet, when every sensible animals knows that it’s us dogs.   Cats might have overtaken us a bit in the popularity stakes but they don’t really count.  They’re too busy doing their own thing to bother about anyone else.    Dogs want fair play.   We want more freedom.   We don’t want all these decisions that folks take on our behalf.  Who are they thinking about?   Not us.   We are an enslaved species.   Is there a ‘free’ dog left in the U.K.?   I doubt it.   You see us as your ‘pets’.    Grrrr.    We are dogs!   We are important and valuable and you don’t own us.   You just think you do.

You humans are ruining the world for us.   And don’t get me started on plastic toys!   When the Earth is finally a wasteland, we’ll still be surrounded by all the stupid toys and plastic dishes you’ve wasted our rescources on.    We want clean air, space, fewer cars to knock us down, to be treated with respect, not trained to do tricks or run about after you.   O.k. o.k. we do generally like to be friends with you, after all, we’ve hung around your camp fires for a few thousand years now.   Where would you humans be without us?    We’ve guarded you, kept you company, hunted for you – and that’s another BIG ISSUE – now you’ve banned us from hunting.   Don’t you know that dogs live to hunt?   It’s what we like to do most of all.  It’s how we’ve survived for all these years.   Now you want to keep us on a lead and have us roll over.

Where are our politicians on these important dog issues?   Does any of them even have a dog?   I don’t think so.   What do they know about us and all the other animals, who are in a majority in the U.K.   Aren’t there more rats than people now?   I’ve heard a recent statistic which says so.   What about the farm animals?   Pity the poor cow is just as real now as it ever was.   Factory farming is still going strong and millions of tortured souls (and yes, animals do have souls – how presumptous of anyone to think otherwise) have wretched lives while our governments pay themselves more and bigger expenses and guzzle like force fed geese in Europe.

The election arguments should have included rights for all sentient beings and they haven’t even touched on the subject.   They should have focused on the really important issues – like the envirornment, pollution, sustainable life, tolerance and freedom for everyone of us.   In the beginnings of time, when dogs began to befriend and help people, they never imagined they would be treated as they are today.   Few humans bother to understand us.   Dogs are routinely destroyed in dog pounds all over the country (but thankfully, not at the Pet Samaritans).   There’s a massive reaction if one of us has a bit of a nip, bite a human and you’re done for!    You can kill us, neuter us, keep us captive, destroy our natural instincts, force us to behave how you like – and it doesn’t matter at all.

Me and Nolene, and every other dog and dog lover I’ve spoken to, think that the election arguments should have included us and that politicians should only be elected if they like and understand dogs.   We want educational programmes about us in school.   For everyone to understand our needs and how to communicate with us.    Chain the humans – free the dogs – as it says on a famous bottle of lager!

Until we get our own manifesto and candidate (and as Dog is my Witness, it will come in time)  there is only one party to vote for –  I’m wearing the right colour for once – so Vote Green and let’s all try to Save the Planet for us Pets.